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All the things she said


5.25.2006

abi dar wrote e blog..which mek mi so so sad..hais..
"jus wat is happenin.. aft tat monday i say sth wrong den everyth start to becm worst.. my attitude change le i do tink so aft u say but i reali dunno y.. cuz i jus hv too much things on my mind.. mayb i jus being selfish tat all.. i always an idiot de.. always jus do wat i wanna do but nv tink abt other ppl feelin i reali cant take it le.. i dun wan to carry on le.. i jus reali wish u nv luv me at all.. i reali dun wanna c u sad n unhappy.. u becuz of me unhappy n sad hw many time le.. nt onli one tm it been alot of tm le. u knw hw i feel ma.. i feel hlpless.. i dunno wat to do.. i reali very confused le.. when u sad i will tell myself nt again.. pls.. y is it always happenin to me.. i cant take it anymore jus let me die.. i nw hv to go my mom office to wk le.. hut since mornin i nv do anyth.. i jus lay on my bed jus lazy to do anyth.. later go office sure get scoldin de... y on my off day stil hv to wk.. sick n tired of everyth.. i reali dun wan to carry on le.. my head nw is damn pain.. u wan scold me or wat i dun mind if it make u feel better.. i reali feel lyk gvin up than hurtin u so much.. i dun wan to c u hurt n c u in pain.. u tink i dun hv feelin de meh. aft all im a human.. pls tell me wat to do nw.. i reali wish i m alone nw.. den i can hurt no1.. it jus to painful to carry on le.. since feb till nw everyth seem so bad.. n it true tat i stil cant forget e past.. i jus cant.. i lied to u tat i hv but i jus cant it nt becuz u nt gd enough for me n u nt a gd stead it jus abt me.. it all abt me n my past.. if i cant 4get e past i cant luv u wholeheartenly.. i knw i shouldnt hv agree tat day.. cuz i tot if i can find sum1 else i can 4get e past but it nt.. i jus cant.. i knw u wan to c me happy.. im happy to hv u.. but i reali dun wanna c u hurt by me u understand it nt tat i dun luv u anymore.. it jus i dunno wat i tinkin nw also.. i tink it better for me to stay single ba i guess.. den at least i knw i wont hurt any1 or ppl get hurt becuz of me.. i reali hate myself.. all e msg u send me.. i reali dunno hw to reply u bk nw... cuz i dun wan to lie to u tat i do luv u.. i do luv u but nt as much as u luv me ba i guess.. haiz.. i dunno wat to do.. sum1 pls hlp me.. jus let me die.. if i leave tis world everyth will be much better for u.. i dun wan becuz of me u nt happy.. dunno wat to say le.. haiz.... "



* Boy , I Love You *

25.5.06